Quotable Quotes – Is Fear of Intimacy Behind Some Abuse?

If your abuser is narcissistic, it may well be. My Ex was certainly ELATED upon our split, particularly having been recently confronted with his abuse by both me and our couples counselor. He not only escaped intimacy but he also escaped having to face himself. He seemed to do all in his power to destroy emotional intimacy via verbal and emotional abuse, probably rooted in not only fear of intimacy, but also and subsequently a complete lack of respect and empathy for me, his partner. He finally succeeded in destroying our friendship and thus, our relationship. And he was very obviously ELATED and felt powerful to have done so and to have escaped facing his behavior and the reasons behind it. Yet he always insisted that I was the one who was insecure (projection).

Maybe this helps explain what was behind his behavior:
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Narcissists are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. Intimacy forms not only within a couple, but also in a workplace, in a neighbourhood, with friends, or while collaborating on a project. Intimacy is another word for emotional involvement, which is the result of interactions with others in constant and predictable (safe) propinquity.

Narcissists interpret intimacy as co-dependence, emotional strangulation, the snuffing of freedom, a kind of death in installments. They are terrorized by it. To avoid it, their self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle the very foundation of a successful relationship, a career, a project, or a friendship. Narcissists feel elated and relieved after they unshackle these “chains”. They feel that they broke a siege, that they are liberated, free at last.”

Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self-Love

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