The below are comments from a Verbal Abuser who is in the process of recovery. Part of this recovery is acknowledging and examining his abusive behavior and atoning and making amends for the damage it has done to his relationships. Here’s part of what he had to say regarding Verbal Abusers:
“In my situation and I would be willing to bet most of the VA, I liken this problem with alcoholism. People don’t realize they are an alcoholic but hey get drunk every day or socially. They can’t help themselves. They can’t just stop at just one drink. It isn’t until something drastic happens like an intervention or close encounter of some kind that it wakes them up and they start to realize they have a problem. It’s the same thing with us VAs. Until we realize what is happening we just go about it like t is normal. Sure we feel awful for getting in the fight and saying those awful things but a few days or weeks later we do the same thing all over again.
You would absolutely think that we (VA) would know what is happening, but it really doesn’t matter to us at the time because getting our way, winning our argument etc. is the only way that it will end no matter what. We really don’t see that there is a problem no alarms nothing, all we see s winning. All I can say is that it’s like an addiction we just can’t help it. No excuses of course, but just trying to help you understand.
Calling any VA out on things is probably one of the biggest things that will get them angrier because now you are saying that it’s their fault. How dare you?!? Just kidding there of course but that is the way they is see it. They can’t let you get the upper hand.”
– VAinSanDeigo – 20070328