Why Abusers Can’t Change

Personality disorders are a form of pathology. That word ‘pathology’ does NOT mean a psychopath. Psychopaths are ONE category under the personality disorders but there are lots of OTHER ways to be permanently disordered through pathology or a personality disorder. I suggest you read in the book about these. I hear women saying her guy, for instance, has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and she’s waiting for him to ‘get better’ or ‘get it’ about the relationship.Personality Disorders are characterized by the inability to : change, grow, or develop insight about their own behavior. That is also a good definition of pathology no matter WHICH personality disorder they have. If they have one, there is no big change and absolutely no cure. Personality disorders are actually a description of deficits in the personality (all the things he doesn’t have that are normal to have). It describes how the personality DID NOT develop in childhood.

Since there is no going back to your childhood and re-developing your whole personality structure and emotional DNA, there is nothing clinically we can do about their condition, thus, it’s permanent. Some that ‘attempt counseling’ rarely stay in it because by nature of their disorder, they are hard-wired AGAINST change so counseling is either boring, stupid, or threatening. Any changes are temporary and fleeting and cannot be held consistently as a long term change in their behavior. That’s why whatever they say they are ‘going’ to change doesn’t much matter because they may ‘want to’ but they are hard-wired against it.

No one expects the mentally retarded to one day not be mentally retarded. But women consistently think one day a permanently personality disordered pathological will one day not be that. He can no more undo his disorder than a mentally retarded person can. They are the same types of pervasive disorders that are permanent structures internally. One is the cognitive function (mentally retarded) and one in the personality function (pathological).

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Article written by Sandra L. Brown, M.A., Director of The Dangerous Relationship Institute and author ‘How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved’ and ‘Counseling Victims of Violence.’ The Institute is involved in helping women achieve relational harm reduction.

Visit our site at http://www.HowToSpotADangerousMan.com or http://www.saferelationships.com for advice and resources on changing your dating patterns of selection. Change your choices, change your life.

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