Characteristics of the Narcissist – VERY accurate description of my Ex’s Behavior

  • Self-centered. His needs are paramount. No one else’s count.
  • No remorse for abuse, outbursts, mistakes or misdeeds. EVER.
  • Unreliable, undependable. And often proud of it.
  • Does not care about the consequences of his actions.
  • Projects his faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never his fault. Blame and projection are primary M.O.
  • Little if any conscience or ability to empathize with others.
  • Insensitive to needs and feelings of others, especially his intimate partner.
  • Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others. Jekyll/Hyde personality ie: public vs private behavior with partner. OTHERS often believe the front/social “Jekyll” personality and think he’s Mr. Wonderful. This serves to isolate and discredit the victim’s experience so that no one will believe he’s abusive with HER even if she tells them.
  • Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage. Explodes when frustrated.
  • Tends to humiliate his partner in public or in front of friends/neighbors.
  • People are to be manipulated for his needs.
  • Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject, blames others/his partner, or gets angry and verbally abusive. It’s NEVER his fault. He’s ALWAYS right – and perfectly innocent if there are any issues. Tries to paint himself as an “innocent bystander” and blames others for the issue.
  • Pathological lying – often by omission.
  • Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.
  • No real values. Mostly situational. Abhors ANY request to change abusive or inconsiderate behavior in the relationship no matter WHAT he does to his partner in any situation. Will say he doesn’t want to follow any “rules” and will accuse his partner of trying to “control” him if she asks for even basic common consideration or respect.
  • Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.
  • Angry, mercurial, moods, sudden outbursts, that he ‘forgets’ immediately, wants to ignore, or outright denies when confronted with them.
  • Uses sex to control – either excessively demanding or withholding, or holds the prospect of sex with other partners over current partner’s head as a control mechanism, manufactures stories about other women who “want” him then accuses his current partner of being “insecure”. Sets her up for abuse in this fashion.
  • Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.
  • Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.
  • Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentments. Continues to abuse partner over resentments indefinitely via hostile remarks, denigrating jokes. Continually either covertly or overtly angry and abusive.
  • Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities, both online and off.
  • Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason, particularly in his partner’s life and in his relationship with her both public and private – to keep her ‘off balance’. Then he denigrates HER as “unstable”. Sets her up for abuse in this fashion.
  • Moody – switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.
  • Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations, but expects others to honor theirs if they owe him money.
  • Does a lot of “nice things” that his partner didn’t ask him to do then complains that she isn’t appreciative enough afterwards. “The Controlling Caretaker“.
  • Seldom expresses appreciation himself. Conversation always based on whether HE gets enough appreciation, the issue of whether his partner is appreciated enough is never discussed. To him, that is irrelevant. It’s all about HIM.
  • Constantly criticizing most everything his partner does/says and how / why she does and says it. Partner feels like she’s “walking on eggshells” trying to avoid his constant criticism.  She feels “under his microscope” all the time.
  • Calls his partner names and insults her: “You’re a spoiled brat!”, “You’re lazy!”
  • Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he does. HE is NEVER wrong.
  • Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others. Defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his fault.
  • Only real emotion he is likely to display is anger. Rarely expresses sorrow or hurt except for “show”.
  • He breaks a woman’s spirit. Sets her up for abuse. Defines her according to HIS very negative and preconceived notions about women, then abuses her based on HIS definitions of her. Tears her down as a person. Then complains that she is “depressed” or “angry” about that as if she has no right to be angry or upset that she is being ABUSED and mentally raped in this fashion. 
  • Needs threats, intimidations to keep others close to him.
  • Sabotages partner. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances. Puts her friends/interests and accomplishments down.
  • Highly contradictory.
  • Convincing. Must convince people to side with him.
  • Hides his real self. Always “on”.
  • Kind only if he’s getting from you what he wants.
  • He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good. He will do so at all costs.This is paramount.
  • He announces, not discusses. He tells, not asks. He asserts / states his opinion as FACT, never says “I think”, or “I feel”.
  • Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.
  • Controls money of others or complains about their spending but spends freely on himself.
  • Unilateral condition of, “I’m OK and justified so I don’t need to hear your position or ideas”.
  • Always feels misunderstood.
  • You feel miserable with this person. He drains you.
  • Does not listen because he does not care.
  • Only his feelings are discussed, not his partner’s because to him, partner’s feelings are irrelevant.
  • Is not interested in problem-solving, only in placing blame/projecting.
  • Very good at reading people, only so he can manipulate them.